Paragon Music Magazine: How did you and Opie and Anthony become such good friends, to the point where you became a regular part of their radio show? We had been listening to the show everyday for years, and all of a sudden, you were on everyday. It was like, “Who is this guy? Norton’s on, again?”

Jim: I was first introduced to O&A by Dice. I did a call in with him and fucking bombed. The next time Dice was in, I went in with him and told some old people they should have a stroke which made everyone happy. Next time in I was more comfortable, then Opie asked me to come in once in a while since I lived in the area. It was once every five weeks, and then he said once a week, etc. They eventually asked me if I wanted to work with them, of course I said yes. They like me because I don’t mind hanging back, I don’t need to run my stupid mouth every two seconds. I try not to interrupt when they’re doing something, there’s nothing worse than some babbling douche of a comic. 

PMM: A comedian’s sense of humor, whether it’s vile or childish or goofy, is almost a built-in characteristic of the comedian himself. Your jokes are extremely politically incorrect and teetering between offensively funny and completely distasteful. How did you go about refining your style to the point where you can make people laugh at the most offensive comments?

Jim: Within reason I try not to edit things I think are funny. When you break it down, every subject could possibly offend some uptight, fat soccer mom. Plus, people who are offended by humor are inherently dishonest and I wish them colon cancer anyway. And as far as refining my style, I can’t do it and don’t try to. If I try to change things it’s going to come out awful anyway and make me miserable. At least if I bomb doing my own thing, I can take comfort knowing I sent those colostomy bag audience members home feeling unsatisfied, disappointed and feeling like they need a shower.

PMM: When and how did you decide that comedy was something you wanted to pursue full time?

Jim: I always loved making people laugh, and even as a child I knew it was the only way to get girls to acknowledge me. I have been a weak chinned, twitchy zero since I was a baby. When I saw Richard Pryor’s special (1979, taped in Long Beach, CA) I knew what I wanted to do with my life (although had I truly followed Richard I’d beat my wife, smoke coke and be a much better comic than I am now). 

PMM: When it comes to people that are exposed to your comedy, there are those who absolutely adore you and then there are those who despise you. Obviously you appreciate those who like your “brand of humor,” but what do you have to say to those who have no sense of humor?

Jim: Just because people don’t like me doesn’t mean they have no sense of humor or don’t get me. They get me, they just think I stink. So I have nothing to say to them, judging something as funny or unfunny is their prerogative. However, anyone who is offended by me, that means you’re judging material content as opposed to how funny or unfunny something is. If this is the case, I hope Andrea Yates shows up at your house to bathe your children. 

PMM: Are there any comedians whom you look up to, and take inspiration from, or is your style totally original, trying to be very different from the typical stand-up comics?

Jim: My strongest influence is probably Rich Vos. A lot of people don’t realize this, but his hands are so tiny he has to glue the microphone to his palm when he performs. I also tend to enjoy guitar acts. There is nothing that cracks me up more than someone playing a song the whole crowd knows and changing the words to make the song funny. So I guess the order goes Rich Vos and guitar acts, followed closely by SARS, ovarian polyps and crib death. 

PMM: On O&A, every time someone would call in and say something even slightly stupid, you would rip them to shreds. Is that something you do to just about anybody, even fans, when you see them in person? Are you nicer to people in person than you were to people, who were basically strangers, calling the show?

Jim: I am much nicer to people in person, especially if they’re men who are larger than me. I am more likely to be mean to someone if they’re slight of build or handicapped in some way. Also, I didn’t rip into people just to do it, only if they called in to criticize the show or bellyache about something else in their trivial, awful lives. I never understood the mentality of listening to a radio show just to upset yourself. People who do shit like that are fucking mentally and emotionally weak and they’re trying to find a purpose, something to grasp onto. They find something that offends them and ruining that thing becomes their cause. If I don’t like something, I turn it off. I am 34 years old and I have NEVER been offended by anything said in humor. There is nothing I hate more then a special interest group. People who belong to special interest groups are pathetic, desperate fucking followers and I detest them all. 

PMM: On the O&A show, and in your stand-up, you’re constantly calling yourself things like, “a blubbery titted nothing” and “me and my bird-vag lips.” Why do you like to put yourself down all the time?

Jim: You call it putting myself down, I call it accurate reporting. When I am shirtless and leaning forward, my tits hang in such a way that people wish to milk me into a bucket. My torso is scallop shaped and I have an appendix scar (which is nice; it shows women where my abs would be if I weren’t such a meaty, lazy piss bag). I also have a deep belly button which tends to smell like a cross between a sweaty scalp and Staten Island. 

PMM: We know that you’re a huge Ozzy Osbourne fan from both his Black Sabbath days and his solo career. Zakk Wylde just came out with a brand new album, which we featured in our May issue, and we were wondering which of all Ozzy’s guitar players did you feel were the most talented? 

Jim: Obviously Randy Rhoads would be at the top of my list. If you’re including Ozzy’s whole career, I put Tony Iommi right there with Rhoads. Zakk I’d put in second place; he’s an amazing guitarist and a fucking animal on stage. I like Joe Holmes a lot too, certainly much better then Jake E. Lee (I don’t like any lead guitarist who uses a middle initial. Middle initials should only be used 80’s sitcom stars and stock brokers). I know I am leaving some guys out, but my least favorite Ozzy guitarist was Brad Gillis. I’d rather hear Christopher Reeve play Crazy Train on a pipe organ with his feet. 

PMM: Any last words, shameless plugs, etc, for our readers?

Jim: Please check out my website, Eatabullet.com and please keep watching Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, he’s the only guy who will put me on television. And most importantly, ladies please feel free to send me photos of funny things hanging out of your anuses.